I like this essay. (And don’t envy you this interaction with pushy and dangerous guy.)

Though, quite a few times asking backfired. I mean, being told that “I am not dominant enough” (though my only sin was asking before each step, instead of “going for it”) and also — for a direct invitation for sex (as I “you are hot, we had the connection, but now your ruined the moment”).

I am very much in the sex positive feminism camp. Still, not sure how to ask in a confident way (and asking in a non-confident way seems to be a turn-off for most women). Plus, where is the overlap with flirting, and explicit asking (as a lot women, especially outside of my bubble, prefer a lot of “plausible deniability” and “one thing led to another” that ever verbally planning sex (or even worse: coming with that offer)).

I mean, I am trying to learn to ask in a confident way.

Still, not sure how to ask about “let’s go to my/your place” in a direct way.